My First Ever Blog!!

Hello!

So this is my first blog ever. I should've started 4 years and 4 months ago, when Willow was born, but hopefully I will be able to get lots of Autumn's little funny sayings, since she is only 4 months! Better late then never, right! Right now Sesame Street is on the flatscreen, being ignored by Levi in favour of Rylan, who just got here, and soon enough they will start scrapping over toys! What else do you expect from 2 year olds? Levi was trying to give Autumn all kids of toys while she was in the jolly jumper, and trying to swing her which he thinks is hilarious! He wanted his blankie (thanks Helena!) out of his crib for the first time today, just like the big kid, Willow always has her fishy blankie (thanks again Helena!).
I love my brood so much, they are such a blessing to me! But it takes alot of patience to raise a 4 year old, a 2 year old an a baby. Patience isn't my forte, and listening isn't Willow's forte. Therefore we have been having some problems recently!

It has been 24 years since my own parents passed. Not until I had children did I realize how deep that void is, even when I got married I could joke it off (at least I don't have to pay for my parents friends, my mom doesn't interfere at all!). I have discovered that everyone needs a mom, not just wants one, but needs one, physically. I yearn for her, to get advice from her, for her help, but most of all to cry with her on a bad day and have her tell me everything will be ok, lke I can tell my kids. It physically hurts me somedays not to have her. I don't talk about it to anyone really, I mean who understands? I have lost 2 parents, not one, and it is impssible to understand the loss. Sometimes I think about what it would be like for my kids to grow up without me, to not know my love. Like people who don't know Jesus, but that would be worse.
Feels good toget that out!

Backto Willow, I need to remember how God reacts when we screw up, and I need to chill. He doesn't have the out-of-control anger that I can have. I don't want her to remember me being all angry and yelling and spanking. So in the midst of my freakout, in walks my calm levelheaded husband, who simply says, 'get her to clean and do lines'. Lines, like we did at school. So Willow, scrubbed the walls leading up to her bedroom, where she had decided (for the 3rd time in 2 weeks)to colour on the walls with a marker during naptime becasue she didn't want to sleep. Her walls have never been so clean! And then to the kitchen for a page of lines,'I will not write on walls'. Lines!
No fun, but educational, teaches her to write small and clear, and teaches new words as well as practicing her 'popcorn' words. So that is what I am going to do from now on, I am anticipating a very clean place over the next few months, baseboards with a toothbrush are next. She says she likes cleaning, we'll see!

Well, need to go outside and play with Levi while Autumn is sleeping, and since Erine is here I can go grab Willow from school, alone! I love not having to get the kids in the van!
Write later.